Speeches at Weddings: Essential Tradition or Outdated Ritual?

They’re dreaded by some, loved by others but almost every wedding still has them: speeches. Are they a timeless and history bound way to honour love and family, or an outdated nerve‑wracking formality that grooms loose sleep over?

Let's take a look at the tradition’s roots, how speeches have evolved, and what modern couples are actually doing now. I'm Cat, I'm a second-generation, full-time wedding photographer who loves photographing couples who do it thier own way and who had my own untraditional wedding.

Here's a picture of Sian's mum who raised her talking about how Sian and her new Husband Richard met and Sian shedding a little tear.

The history of wedding speeches

The idea of raising a glass in someone’s honour goes back thousands of years. Ancient Greeks and Romans would dedicate drinks to the gods, to health, or to celebrate marriages. In medieval Europe, speeches (toasts) were seen as blessings to ward off evil spirits and today a 2022 Hitched.co.uk survey found that 85% of UK weddings still include formal speeches.

The “toast” comes from literally putting a piece of toasted bread in wine to absorb acidity and symbolise good wishes. Sounds pretty disgusting and aparrantly the person being 'toasted' would have the honour of drinking the last cup with the toast in it. ew. Anyway- I liked the fact.

Traditionally, the father of the bride, groom, and best man spoke — often in that order and that's the order that mostly remains to this day.

Here's a picture of Lucy's dad talking about her growing up, it was so lovely!

Why speeches have stuck around

Speeches add structure and breathing space between meal courses, at the end of the dinner and often provide a little entertainment. Although I do think its worth mentioning here as a photographer that your suppliers would prefer you do them all in one go and then you also have less chance of loosing people to the loo/smoke/outside/changing shoes etc. They also give key people (usually family and best friends) a chance to share stories, blessings, or humour and I think importantly to thank those who have impacted the couples lives, wedding day and or offered financial support for the wedding itself.

They're also often an emotional moment that brides especially love and look forward to! Who doesnt want to hear thier partner/parent wax lyrical about thier beauty, poise and excellent organisational skills! I know it was one of things I was looking forward to as a bride, as self centered as that may make me sound!

Here's one of Tiff's Dad giving a rousing speech behind a bar in a more laid back setting.

Are speeches changing?

Modern weddings often include speeches from brides, bridesmaids, mothers of the couple, or even group speeches. My sister had an open mic- so anyone who wanted to say something could and that was actually really lovely and moving (and didn't take that long!)

Couples are shortening speech time or breaking them up between courses. 5 minutes is honestly plenty, I've heard a lot of speeches now and if they go on past 10 minutes people start to glaze over.

Video messages or pre‑recorded speeches for guests who can’t attend are becoming popular. A recent wedding I attended had a slide show which is my favourite because it's engaging and sweet, romantic and funny without being nerve-wracking for the person who has to stand up and speak!

In the same Hitched.co.uk survey, 22% of couples said they felt formal speeches were too stressful or old‑fashioned — yet only 5% skipped them entirely.

The case for ditching speeches

Performance anxiety: surveys show public speaking is the #1 fear for many and honestly I totally get it but I've seen first hand how when a speech is done, so many realise they had nothing to fear. This is a room full of people who genuinely care about you and want to support you.

Thanking one person but forgetting another can spark unnecessary friction behind the scenes — especially in families where relationships might already be a little delicate. A quick shout‑out or even a shared mention can go a long way to keep the peace and avoid bruised feelings on what’s meant to be a happy day. OR if you skip the speeches you can say your thank yous in private!

Modern weddings are increasingly about flexibility and authentic choices. If you don't want to have speeches, the great thing is that it's your day and you don't have to. One thing I have been starting to notice is peroanlised thank you cards, gifts and letters left on seats at wedding breakfasts, this way you can say thank you without making a public spectacle.

Why speeches still matter

There's no denying that they create a unique moment to say things that wouldn’t get said otherwise and as weddings are (usually) once in a lifetime occasion it would be a shame to miss out on something you'd enjoy.

As a photographer I really enjoy all the raw emotions a speech gives including all the tears, laughter and cuddles.

Older generations love the tradition and really look forward to hearing them, this is usually a really lovely time to mention loved ones who couldn't be there or who have passed who would have loved to have been.

Conclusion: Essential or outdated?

It doesn’t have to be either‑or: couples can modernise speeches, keep them short, involve different speakers, or do casual toasts. Brides can speak instead of grooms, video messages and slideshows can be used.

Still undecided? Chat with your photographer or planner — we’ve seen every type of speech set‑up and can help you find what fits your day (and your nerves) best.